Just when you thought the service couldn't possibly get any worse, last week Last Late Western surpassed all expectations.

Monday 9th December saw the introduction of the latest Elf and Safety initiative - Selective Door Opening. No, we weren't certain what it meant either, as no-one had bothered to explain, but what it actually entailed was upwards of a hundred people on Charlbury station, complete with weekend bags, bikes and all the usual Monday morning paraphernalia - ALL TRYING TO GET ONTO THE TRAIN THROUGH JUST TWO DOORS in cattle class. The train, you see, stopped with its engine alongside the platform, which meant that First Class were fine, but cattle class passengers just had two doors available at the very end of the platform.

There was almost a riot, it took a good ten minutes to get everyone on the train and people then had to walk the length of the the train to find a seat. Its bad enough normally on a Monday morning, with people trying to stow luggage holding everyone up, but with just two doors open you can imagine the queue just to get onto the train.

What, you ask, was wrong with the old system? Were people to be found regularly trying to get on or off the train at anything other than the platform? No, of course not. And its insulting that the nannies at LLW believe we're incapable of getting on or off a train without their input, especially when it results in unmitigated chaos and late running.

This wonderful new scheme now regularly adds at least fifteen minutes to an already extended new timetable which was introduced on the same morning. A journey which nine years ago took just 55 minutes, is now regularly taking an hour and a half - and that's on a good day. Well done LLW, you've excelled yourselves.